While I think your fashion sense is ridiculous, that there is a reason your nose is so red (sniff, sniff), that PETA ought to come after you for making those poor reindeer carry you and loads of toys through a polluted sky, that you are a poster child for Type II Diabetes, high cholesterol, coronary disease and that Mrs. Claus is probably fooling around on you with an elf, I am going to put all of that aside and ask you for one thing. Allow me a few paragraphs to first present evidence to show you why I am deserving of such a request.
My amazing husband just spent a little over two weeks with our son in Ethiopia. Since you know who is naughty and nice, you already know that S did a fantastic job being a dad to his son, despite having little experience with babies. You also know that he did not complain at all. He was 8,000 miles away from home in a guest house with few of his own things, with few baby items, among people he barely knew and got little sleep, all while taking care of a little baby human 24/7. Still – he did not complain.
Spiro Ninja was an angel the last couple of weeks. He did just about everything I said. He didn’t beg for food. He didn’t bother the rash on his belly too much. He took his meds without incident. He behaved on walks and runs, and didn’t beg to go out any more than we did. True, we did have that one moment at the dog park, but I blame the Corgi. She was even getting on my nerves. Oh yeah, he was a bed hog, but really I think that was just his way of saying, “I love you, owner-lady.”
I did my best to be a supportive wife, doggie mama, and mommy from afar. True, I let the housework go a bit, but I did my best to be productive at work and to direct the 5K. I did everything I could to help S navigate things in Ethiopia from here, and baby-talked to Little Dude every day.
In summary, I think that the three of us have been very, very good. Based on our exemplary performance, I hope you will grant my request and let me return to Ethiopia before the end of the year – or before Christmas? – to pick up Little Dude and bring him to his forever home.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
P.S. While I think you need more calories like I need a hole in the head, I will consent to give you vegan cupcakes should you deliver me my wish. You know where to find me.