Ex-iversary

I totally made up that word. It’s the only thing that fits yesterday. Allow me to explain.

I was married before. I got married 3 months before I turned 19 to the guy I dated through high school. He was 21. We were both stupid. Four days after we got married we moved to the absolute middle of nowhere, which happens to be in northeastern George. We spent 364 days there, hating just about every minute of it. We moved back to the Harrisburg area as fast as we could. The next years . . . well, I’m not going there. It serves no purpose, really.

We were married (legally) for just under 9 years, though we were separated during the last one. We were married on July 26, 1997 and divorced on June 26, 2006.

I don’t know how other people feel who have been divorced, but when that old wedding anniversary – which no longer celebrates anything good – comes around, it’s weird. You remember that date, but don’t celebrate it in any way. Some people might ignore it. Some people might spit at the memory of their ex. To me, it’s become a reminder of the changes I’ve undergone.

When I was with my ex, I wasn’t happy. I worked hard, and never played. I had no hobbies. I had friends, but didn’t get to do much with them. I went to church, but I didn’t participate. In comparison to my ex, I was considered the social one, the loud one. (It was funny, though, because I wasn’t all that social nor all that loud.)  Oh – and I had just about no hope of having a family since he didn’t want kids after all.

Now, I am happy. I work hard and get to play in the woods. I run, bake and sing. I have lots of wonderful friends in my life, and get to hang out with lots of them whilst running in the woods. I go to church and am fairly active; I feel as if my faith has deepened as well. In comparison to S, I am the quiet, less social one. We have a tremendous son, and hope to (someday) add to our family.

Going through something like that also changes a person. I would not be the person I am today if I hadn’t gone through all of that. Would I be a better person? Maybe. Would I be worse? It’s possible. Would I have what I have now? Unlikely.

I might someday forget the association that July 26th holds, but I hope I never forget to look at my life and thank God for the blessings.

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2 thoughts on “Ex-iversary

  1. I’m on #2 as well, and I see some parallels between our stories. I do struggle to remember the exact anniversary date now, though the day I got my final decree is etched deeply in my mind. I like to think of round one as a prep for round two. A little trial and error if you will. I saw what worked, polished up what didn’t. I refined what it was that I was looking for. In the end, I think it made me a better husband for my current wife. Growing up a little more didn’t hurt either.

  2. I remember that summer well, as I, too, did exactly what you did. We were in each others’ weddings, for heaven sake! And I think, to some degree, at least on my part, we dropped out of touch because we didn’t want to face to each other how wrong it was feeling. I don’t ‘regret’ my decision, either, as it taught me a lot and indeed helped me grow up; it has made me into the person I am now. But it was a similar, uncannily similar, situation; “my” Matt was the less social in the relationship, as well, and there were many times that I found myself going out without him or not at all and I vowed that was not going to be my life. Now, I have a very social music man and a son with him and we love going to concerts and generally doing stuff together, and are even active in a Unitarian church. Life isn’t always perfect, but it’s pretty damn close to my version of it! Maybe we should get together some time to reminisce and catch up?

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