“We should get together sometime!”
“We should get the kids together to play!”
“I’d love to go running with you some time!”
These are things people say to me, not just once or twice, but repeatedly. Maybe we’ll run into each other while shopping, chat a while, and then when it’s time to part ways, one of those phrases comes out of their mouth. Or we’ll have an email exchange about something and they’ll end their response with one of those remarks. OR out of nowhere they will text me, email me, or post on my Facebook wall and throw one of those sentences my way.
What’s the big deal, you ask? These are merely pleasantries, you say?
That’s now how I view it. If someone merely means to be pleasant, they could say, “Have a great day!” or “It was great to see you again!” or “Take care!” Those are easy enough to say, and they are the go-to phrases for such instances.
Telling me that “we should get together” is great! It means they like me and want to hang out with me. Woohoo! Validation! Friends! I get excited. I wait for the call . . .
Nothing. I check my email. Nada. I look at my phone. Zilch.
But I thought they wanted to hang out with me? I thought they wanted to set up a play date? I thought we were going to go running?
Ohhhhhhhh . . . . they just said that to be nice. See . . . I thought that since they said that, they were going to reach out to me! But I get it . . . they are waiting for me to call.
This happens to me a lot. Like, a lot. I am not sure why, but I have two theories:
- I’m a planner. I often host parties and get-togethers. They think that by saying this, I will take it upon myself to invite them to do something, absolving them of the responsibility of doing so.
- They really don’t want to hang out with me, and think it’s nicer to say something like that rather than just telling me to have a nice day or that it was nice to see me. (They don’t realize that I take what’s said to me seriously, I guess.)
My really nice husband tells me that people probably say this to me and mean it, but then forget to follow through. I’m not sure about that. Apparently I know lots of forgetful people!
I’m not sure what to think. All I know is that it’s a tad annoying. I really feel like people are trying to get me to invite them to do something. For the longest time, I did that. I set up so many outings with friends, parties, play dates, group runs, etc. And now I’m tired. I have a lot going on and can’t manage to set up so many things anymore. One thing I notice is that when I’m not sending out invites, I’m not getting them. And that’s fine. I’m not trying to whine about not having friends. I know who my friends are, even if we aren’t getting together every week to do something.
Here’s the point of this blog (aside from venting): watch what you say. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If you don’t want to hang out with someone, don’t tell them that they two of you “should hang out”. If you don’t want to have their kids over to play, don’t tell them that you should “get the kids together”. And if you don’t want to invite them running (or whatever your hobby of choice is), don’t tell them you should “go running (or whatever) together. If you say it, follow through with it. Don’t put it on me to do it.
Can you tell I am ready for my mini-vacation tomorrow??