Things I hate

Kristen’s (current)* List of Hated Things

1. Snakes: I hate them. I have no reason to hate them. They have done nothing to me. I’ve never been bitten. I’ve never found one in my bed or in my shoe. But the fact that they don’t have legs, and that they slither, bothers the crap out of me. I used to scream like a girl and drop the eff bomb when I see them. I’m getting better about my reactions, and can contain myself somewhat, but I still want to vomit. I can’t even insert a picture of a real one here; that would give me the heebie-jeebies. (Let me say this: I’ve seen more snakes on the sidewalks and roads in my ‘hood than on trails. Weird.)

Pretty much sums it up.
Pretty much sums it up.

2. Celery: It’s just gross. It’s the only food on the planet that I hate. There are plenty I won’t eat (I am vegan, after all), but it’s the only one I just plain hate. I can’t stand the stringy texture, and I hate the taste. Once S made me a celery stir fry for dinner. He was proud. I thought it was horrible; I couldn’t even feign enjoyment. I can tolerate celery salt in my Bloody Marys, but that’s really about it. It’s a staple in juicing, and I always skip it. Bleh.

Bleh

3.  Being barefoot outside my own home: I just can’t do this. Hotels? Nope. Friends’ houses? Definitely not on carpet, but if your linoleum or hardwood flooring looks okay, I might be able to. I have no idea why I have this issue, but I do. Anyone who has shared a hotel room with me has heard me in flip flops in the middle of the night when I get up to go to the bathroom. I leave my flip flops right beside the tub too, so I never have to touch the floor. Once I went to a Cambodian wedding and walked in the door in horror to find out that I had to go barefoot. On carpet. I was flipping out (on the inside) the entire time I was there. I drank.

The only barefoot I can do!
The only barefoot I can do!

4. Going to the post office: I find this to be an irritating task. There is always, always a line. It should be easy, but it’s not. I can’t even explain this one. I just hate it.

post_office_insure_459625

5. Going to the gas station: I seriously hate stopping to get gas. I can tolerate it in the summer, but the rest of the year? Fuhgeddaboudit! It’s dumb, I know. But I always manage to need to get gas on crummy weather days. And it irritates me to no end. I always wait until I need gas, which is bad for the car. But I can’t help it. (I will pass on getting gas if I know my husband will be driving my car the next day, so then he’ll have to get it. Insert evil laugh here!)

funny-gas-station-signs-300x255

6. Speedwork: Nope. Just can’t do it. Now you know why I will never be a fast runner.

front_blue_maybe_i_dont_need_speed_work_tees-re2449a087dcd455dbc17df76d5740386_8nhme_324

7. All of the gosh-darned whining on social media: There are some days I just want to punch a wall after reading some status updates. A post has been brewing over here on this topic, and I’m just waiting for the right time to write it.

8. Eating disorders: They f*** with you. Hard. I’ll post more on this one soon, too.

eating-disorder

9. Having a whole pan of brownies in the fridge and tapering for a race: The two do not go hand-in-hand. On a related note, I have brownies I can’t eat. Who wants to relieve me of this burden? They are amazing, and here’s the recipe (just double everything and bake in a 13″x9″ pan for 40-50 minutes.)

10. The word “meander”: I just thing it is a whiny sounding word. Seriously, say it out loud a few times. You linger too much on the meeeeander. Ugh. Acceptable synonyms are: drift, ramble, roam, snake (ew!), stray, stroll, traipse (so under-utilized!), change, gallivant, peregrinate, range, recoil, rove, turn, twine, twist, vagabond, wind, and extravagate. I personally like peregrinate.

I could still probably drink some Meander wine, though . . .
I could still probably drink some Meander wine, though . . .

*By the time you read this, I’m sure I’ll have something new to add to it. But these are fixtures on the list.

Edit: OK . . . so my lovely friend Jen had to remind me how much I hate the word “menstruation”. Yuck. This is yet another topic for another day. But let me say this: this word has been banned – yes, banned – in my house. Yuck. Also, let’s add in #11 . . .

11. Filing my nails: What a mundane, annoying task. I rarely do it. My nails look terrible. I had exactly one manicure in my life (before my marriage to S) and I hated it. I have way more important things to do . . . like eating brownies.

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