I’m working hard to figure out what my days will be like now. Some of you might think that losing your parent as an adult wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Mom and I weren’t the type to chat on the phone every day, or even once per week. I know lots of folks who are like that, but we weren’t. Instead. we fired off texts with random things all the time. I sent her quick notes about things I saw on tv, things Little Dude did, news of friends’ pregnancies or illness, or about the latest crazy-indulgent chocolatey treat I found. She did the same. Sometimes her texts were about the folks she encountered at work, a recipe she found online, or her crazy dreams. (And boy, were they crazy.)
I miss those texts. There have been a lot of times in the last 6 weeks that I’ve picked up the phone to text her something and then stopped myself.
I miss being able to ask her questions about different things.
I miss being able to share photos and updates about Little Dude.
I miss her crazy stories.
I miss seeing her at family visits.
I miss a lot of things.
Day to day stuff is being accomplished here, but only what is necessary. Seriously, is cleaning a bathroom that guests don’t see necessary? Not really.
So I am on a mission now. I don’t want to say I am trying to get back to normal, because that will never happen. What I am trying to do is figure out what shape my life will take now. Lots of things are up in the air right now, so this new normal might shift its shape in the coming months, but it will be a work in progress.
These are the things I’m working on “fixing” right now:
1. Going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. I used to be the queen of this, and it worked like a charm for me with respect to getting s#*% done.
2. Getting to the gym regularly (4-5 days per week). This has been difficult lately because Little Dude has had two lingering colds (with nasty coughs) since 1/1/14. Our gym childcare program is pretty strict about taking kids who aren’t 100%. If he’s sick, I can’t go. I am not one of these “workout at home using only a towel and a jug of milk” people. Just doesn’t happen.
3. Run regularly, with increasing distance (3-5 days per week). I have struggled with this bleeping weather, so my frequency and distance has suffered. I had a hip flexor problem that kept me from running for most of December. Once that resolved, Little Dude had a cold and S had a crazy work schedule AND the weather got miserable. I had few opportunities to run. Then Mom got very sick and I spent 2 weeks sitting with her. SITTING WITH HER. I did nothing – I didn’t sleep much, and I certainly didn’t eat well – and boy does that undo a lot of fitness. A lot. My base mileage is very low right now. While I know that I CAN do longer distances, I also know that that will lead to injury. I need to take it slow. What’s the rush?
4. Eating better. This doesn’t necessarily mean eating healthier, either. I eat a pretty healthy diet, but food in general has been giving me problems for a while. I need to spend some time figuring out what foods I need to eliminate from my diet, and what I might bring back. I’ve been pretty sick over the last 2 weeks, and food has been a major factor in that. Right now I am basically on a diet of white, bland foods, hoping I can get past this latest bout.
5. Spending more time with people I love. ‘Nuff said.
6. Taking some time to be quiet and still. I don’t mean meditating while running. I don’t mean sitting on the couch and watching tv. I mean taking some time to just “be”.
7. Blogging more. I enjoy blogging, even if few of you are reading. I am not one to blog daily because, frankly, I just don’t think there is enough that I can say that is interesting.
So that’s what I’m working on right now. I hope to be back in a day or two with another blog entry, and it will be a lot less serious. Until then, stay warm on this crummy, cold winter day!